


Make me wanna die

by TheWeirdyMcWeirderson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cold hearted Dean, Dirty Thoughts, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt Dean, Song fic, hurt reader, just a little though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 23:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7381447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdyMcWeirderson/pseuds/TheWeirdyMcWeirderson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean keeps doing everything in his power to push the Reader away, believing it to be the best way to keep her safe. </p><p>Request: Could you please do a song fic about to "Make me wanna die" by The Pretty Reckless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make me wanna die

**Author's Note:**

> I know, there's no smut in this fic, and I'm actually shocked myself about it, but yeah, this is how it came out *chuckle* 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and as usual, let me know what you think about it *kisses*

Your life was good, sure it wasn't perfect, you had had your ups and downs just like everybody else, but all in all, you couldn't really complain; that was of course, until you were attacked on your way home one night. 

You were about to become some creature's happy meal, when two men came out of no where and saved your life. They took you back to their motel, made sure you weren't injured and then the taller of the two, explained to you what had happened.

That was how a Rugaru had completely changed your life. Of course none of your friends believed what had happened to you, which meant you had no one to help with what you were going through, so you buried yourself in research.

At first you did it for your own personal education, you wanted to be prepared in case something else like that occurred again, but then you started to connect the dots in your head and realized that all those animal attacks you heard about on the news, were something far more different.

You searched for the business card that, who you later find out was Sam, gave you and grabbed your phone. He'd told you to call him if you needed anything and if you couldn't get a hold of him or his brother, to call Garth, whose number he wrote on the back of the piece of paper.

You decided to go for Garth right from the start, Sam had already done so much for you and you knew he probably had other things to worry about. Explaining your situation to Garth, he agreed, after an agonizingly long amount of begging, to train you to become a hunter.

When he deemed you ready, he started taking you on hunts with him and after he was sure you'd able to hunt on your own, you parted ways. Since you were alone, you only took on hunts that you knew you could handle, sending to Garth the other ones for him to hand them to other hunters.

_Take me, I'm alive,_  
_Never was a girl with a wicked mind,_  
_But everything looks better when the sun goes down._  
_I had everything,_  
_Opportunities for eternity,_  
_And I could belong to the night..._

During one of those said 'easy' hunts, you came across the Winchesters once more. They were a little shocked to find you there with the demon tied to the chair as you said the exorcism and waited until you were done to ask for some explanation.

To say that they weren't thrilled about you hunting would be the understatement of the year, but even though they tried to convince you to stop, there was no way you were going to back down after all the work you'd done.

You continued doing what you could, saving as many people as possible, until of course you made a mistake and ended up being tied to a post and surrounded by a group of vampires, each waiting to take their turn.

And for the second time, the Winchester brothers came to your rescue, clearing the nest before they drove you back to their motel room, which was just a few doors down from yours, where Sam tended to the wounds you had.

You took a shower to get all of the blood off of you and you heard the brothers arguing once you were done. You brushed it off and grabbed the clothes Sam had kindly retrieved from your room, to then exit the bathroom ready to say your goodbyes.

What you were met with, however, was something you would've never expected. Sam sat you down and told you that they wanted you to hunt with them. At first you didn't know what to say, and you sat there in silence staring into his hazel eyes.

After your mind had processed the thought, you burst out laughing, thinking it to be a joke, but your laugh soon died when you noticed the perplexed look he was sporting and the even more perplexed one on Dean's face.

You chanced a small smile and assured them that you were more than fine even on your own. You didn't want to become a burden for them and more importantly you could see that Dean was more than a little annoyed with the whole situation.

... _Then your eyes, your eyes,_  
_I can see in your eyes, your eyes..._  
_You make me wanna die!_  
_I'll never be good enough,_  
_You make me wanna die,_  
_And everything you love will burn up in the light!_  
_And every time I look inside your eyes..._  
_You make me wanna die..._

Needless to say that you had to give into their request. Sam felt responsible for you and well, you didn't want him to keep wondering if you were alive every time he got up in the mornings, so you reluctantly agreed to join them.

Dean made it pretty clear right from the beginning that he wasn't thrilled about having you around. You thought it was because he didn't know you at first, but as time progressed, you came to the realization than he just didn't like you; plain and simple.

That however was not the case. He actually did enjoy having you around, and more times than not, he found himself staring at you when you weren't looking, because well, you were easy on the eyes; more than easy if somebody was to ask him.

He treated you the way did, because he knew how messed up the hunter life was and he didn't want that for you; he didn't want that for anyone. What was more messed up than the usual hunter life, was life with them. That was why he tried to push you away.

Since you and Sam seemed to be keen on you hunting with them, Dean took it upon himself to train you again; he knew Garth, and he could only imagine the kind of training he'd given you.

Every morning, well, what he considered morning since you kept thinking it was still night, he would knock on your door and tell you to be in the bunker's gym in fifteen minutes; something which you did because you didn't want him to hate you even more than he already did.

He didn't go easy on you, that's for sure, he started with the hard stuff right from the first training; he obviously made sure not to hurt you, but he managed to push your limits like no one else ever managed to do before.

Still, you kept your mouth shut and trained hard, doing the best you could to try and make both, him and Sam, proud of you, which was working with the younger Winchester, but not so much with the green eyed one.

When your combat training was done and you'd taken a break to actually eat something and regain your breathing, you'd follow him to the shooting range, where he proceeded to hand you some fire gun and teach you how to use it.

... _Taste me, drink my soul,_  
_Show me all the things that I shouldn't know,_  
_When there's a blue moon on the rise._  
_I had everything,_  
_Opportunities for eternity,_  
_And I could belong to the night..._

You had considered asking Sam to take over his dictator of a brother and train you himself, but ended up keeping it to yourself since you noticed they were already fighting pretty often about you, and you didn't want to add wood to the fire.

He left what he referred to as, the boring part, to Sam. The long haired Winchester was the one who showed you everything that had to do with getting new credit cards, or making fake badges, hack into computers and all that.

The part about the lore you were able to manage yourself, even though you and Sam had decided to not let Dean know that you were doing it on your own; he still thought that his little brother was supervising that as well.

The day he found out that you had been lying to him, he was a tiny, little bit more than furious with you. However, he didn't raise his voice, he never did, instead he just kept a relatively calm and distant tone, expressing one more time how he thought you could never be a real hunter.

You would never forget the expression of disappointment on his face, or the way he looked at you that day. It was the same way he looked at you whenever he pinned you to the wall or the floor while you were practicing.

It reminded you of the way the teacher would look at that kid who never studied and always managed to give the wrong answer, even when the question was the simplest one she could ask him.

Your heart hurt everytime he would make a comment about your lack of skill or about you forgetting something that for him seemed to be extremely important, even though Sam told him that he, too, sometimes happened to forget about it.

... _Then your eyes, your eyes,_  
_I can see in your eyes, your eyes..._  
_You make me wanna die!_  
_I'll never be good enough,_  
_You make me wanna die,_  
_And everything you love will burn up in the light!_  
_And every time I look inside your eyes..._  
_You make me wanna die..._

The worst thing about your situation though, was that you were falling for him. You'd had tried so hard to hate him; hate him for the way he treated you, the way he talked to you or the way he looked at you, but you couldn't.

You found yourself thinking about him more often than what you would have liked to admit. You would fantasise about his plush, pink lips, and the way they would feel on your own, losing yourself in the thought of biting down onto that full lower one.

Or your mind would wonder back to the way his body would press onto yours everytime he pinned you down; the way your breathing always seemed to quicken and your heart threaten to jump out of your chest at the feeling of his hard, chiseled muscles coming into contact with your own.

At breakfast you would find yourself gazing at his strong arms, your eyes practically glued to his bulging biceps as you licked your lips, and then let them trail down until they settled on his large and calloused hands.

You hated yourself for that, for letting him have all that power over you, for the way your body reacted to him when he would stand behind you at the shooting range and caress his way up your sides and back, correcting your posture until his hands settled on your own.

You hated the way your breath hitched in your throat when he'd press his chest to your back and you'd feel the heat radiating off of him and seeping through the fabric of your clothes to warm you up and give you that fuzzy feeling that made your insides turn.

You'd lost count of how many times your focus would turn from what you were doing to what you would want him to do to you. His scent would fill your senses, clouding your mind with images of him pulling you closer and wrapping his arms around your body as his lips connected with your neck.

Your whole face would heat up from the embarrassment and you'd have to bite on your tongue to stop yourself from moaning at how his sturdy body seemed to envelop your smaller one completely, making you feel safe and protected.

... _I would die for you my love, my love._  
_I would lie for you my love, my love._  
_(You make me wanna die)_  
_I would steal for you my love, my love._  
_(You make me wanna die)_  
_And I would die for you my love, my love..._

As if you weren't torturing yourself enough, you also had to witness as he went home with a different girl everytime you went to a bar. You had to sit and pretend that everything was fine as some random woman approached him.

You would turn your focus on Sam, picking one topic after the other and starting long and meaningless conversations just to keep your mind off of what was happening next to you, but mostly you did it to keep your eyes from wondering to him.

Usually those nights had two possible outcomes. You would either get drunk, really drunk and hope that you could forget everything that had happened that night, which always resulted in you having a massive headache the next morning and still remembering why you'd gotten drunk.

Or you would ask Sam to drive you back to the bunker or motel, wherever you were staying at the moment and proceed to stay up all night, waiting until you heard Dean closing the door before you felt your heart break as you though about him, and then let sleep finally claim you.

You were fairly sure that Sam had figured out how you felt about his brother, and you could see it in the way he would flash you his puppy eyes and couple them with one of his dimpled sympathetic smiles, not knowing how to really help you.

As time passed by, Dean too began to think that you had some kind of feelings towards him, and since he wasn't one hundred percent sure, he asked Sam about it. The bitch face that was directed his way was answer enough, and he decided to use it to his advantage.

That was why from that day on, everytime you were at a bar, he would lock those green eyes, that plagued every single one of your dreams ), onto your (e/c) ones, and he'd keep his gaze trained on you as he asked the girl he'd chosen for the night the dreaded question.

He'd keep staring at you and you would stare right back, not knowing what to do or say and seemingly unable to look away as she nodded and he got up with her, before he wrapped an arm around her waist and disappeared for the night, leaving you to deal with your heartbreak.

... _We'll burn up in the light,_  
_And every time I look inside your eyes..._  
_I'm burning in the light, look inside your eyes!_  
_I'm burning in the light, look inside your eyes..._

After a couple of months you couldn't take it anymore, and you had to make one of the hardest decisions of your life; you were going to leave, you had to for your own good. You waited until everyone went to bed and them packed your stuff, ready to leave the bunker and the Winchester brothers behind your back.

You tiptoed your way to the garage, making sure to make as little noise as possible, since you knew that the two hunters would otherwise catch you on the act and you didn't want that to happen. You didn't think you could come up with an explanation to give to any of them.

You threw the few items you owned in the trunk of your car and as you straightened up to close it, your eyes fell on Dean. He was standing in the doorway; arms folded across his chest as he leant against the doorframe.

"That's it? You gonna leave without even saying goodbye?" You closed the trunk, using it as an excuse to tear your eyes away from his inquiring gaze and moved to the driver's side of the car, "Didn't think you would care, Dean..."

Your voice was barely a whisper, but from the silence that was enveloping everything around you, you knew that he'd heard you anyways. He kept silent for a second, biting on his cheeks to stop himself from begging you not to leave him.

"What about Sam? He cares for you and you know it" You chewed on your bottom lip, forcing the tears back and taking in a deep breath before you looked back up at Dean, "This way's better. He'd just try to make me stay, and I can't do that"

And Dean knew that, he could see how much all of this was hurting you, but he was convinced that that was the only way to keep you safe, "Take care of yourself, (Y/n), and if you ever-" You chuckled, cutting him off before he could finish his words.

"We both know I won't call you, Dean...just-tell Sammy that I'm sorry, please" With that you opened your car's door, but before you climbed in, you turned to Dean and flashed him a small smile, "I know you don't think so, but...you're a good man, Dean, I just thought you should know"

You locked your eyes on his one last time, before shaking your head at yourself and getting behind the wheel, starting the car and leaving. Dean stood there, watching as the night swallowed you into its dark coat and feeling his heart aching at the thought of what he'd done.

 _...You make me wanna die._  


End file.
